Teatime

SMOLDER: I hate to say it, but I think teatime is over.

CINDER: Surely not! You’ve barely even poured the cups.

SMOLDER: I know, Cindy, but I did try to warn you.

CINDER: On the contrary! You objected so long that even agreeing to have tea took forever. And now you say we’re finished without the least reason for it.

SMOLDER: It is nearly 4:30.

CINDER: … yes, and? Do you have another engagement? Is there some-

KNIGHT: Die, foul villains!

SQUIRE: Go get them, sir!

CINDER: How dare you!

SMOLDER: Here we go.

KNIGHT: Stand and fight, fiend!

CINDER: Look what you’ve done! That was our great-grandmother’s! Just how do you think you’re going to pay for this?

KNIGHT: You’re the one who’s going to pay.

SMOLDER: Sir, I wouldn’t advise- …Too late.

KNIGHT: Hey! Let me down!

CINDER: That cup was thousands of years old! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find tea sets in that size?

KNIGHT: Put me down, or I’ll… tea sets?

SQUIRE: Why you beast! Take tha-

SMOLDER: I wouldn’t bother her at the moment. She was very fond of that set.

SQUIRE: Aaaaaaaah!

KNIGHT: What have you done to him? If you hurt him, I swear I shall-

SMOLDER: He seems to have fainted.

CINDER: Well, set him on the couch, for goodness sakes. As for you, I demand restitution!

KNIGHT: Then fight, demon! Or do you only attack helpless damsels and squires?

CINDER: Damsels? What the devil is he talking about? What would we want with damsels?

SMOLDER: I did try to warn you.

CINDER: You can’t possibly have objected to tea simply because… Smo, you didn’t.

SMOLDER: Me? Certainly, not. Cousin Comb, however… umm, well, it seems that he is off his medication again.

CINDER: But he lives two kingdoms over!

SMOLDER: I know. He and Aunt ‘Ferno came for a visit a few weeks ago. He went out for a bit – said he was going to stretch his wings. The next thing I know, these knights started showing up. And they always come at teatime. They’re quite amazingly predictable. I have yet to understand-

CINDER: You explained, surely!

SMOLDER: Well, certainly. I could hardly do otherwise. But you’ve seen for yourself how well they listen! They come in swinging, and that’s that. And when I contacted Aunt ‘Ferno, she refused to do anything about it.

CINDER: Of course. You know as well as I do that she would never admit her precious Combustion could do such a thing.

KNIGHT: Er… Pardon the interruption, ladies, but are you saying that a different dragon took the damsels?

SMOLDER: It certainly wasn’t us!

CINDER: Really, damsels are such insipid creatures. I much prefer tea and biscuits.

SMOLDER: Besides, it’s horribly impolite to eat things that can talk.

CINDER: Quite.


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